I just find it extremely ironic when people say at a bigger scale of gathering, “I want to be there for you, I want to care for you.” and soon, their words just become a passing by sentence. It’s practically these kind of situations that leads I drifts and it’s painful, no doubt. What can be done? Nothing.

It takes two hands to clap. If only one person decides to play a part in the relationship, it won’t last and it will never succeed. How many people have drifted from? Way too many to count. I wished people cared, deep down from their hearts…

Haven’t been feeling exactly good nor happy these few days. Was really affected by a matter that happened recently. Wished it had never happened because it was between me and someone whom I never thought I’ll ever be against. Painful, but I’ve just got to trust God, that everything will fall back into place soon. Every difficulty is an opportunity for us to trust God and rely on His strength. Hopefully we’ll never ever drift nor fall apart.

My nose has been bleeding for the past 3 nights and I’m down with flu since last night. It just got worst and now, my head hurts from all the blowing and sniffing. By His stripes, I will be healed!

Goodbye.

Through these 4 days, I learnt how fortunate and blessed I am, really. Leroy shared about the 4 different groups of people. And what hit me the most was those people who were born perfect physically, but they just had to be born citizen of a third-world country, suffering malnutrition and soon, starvation to death. What have I done to have deserve this special place here? Nothing. That’s life. Some are just not as fortunate as you are. It just reminded me to treasure all that I have now and focus on what has given to me instead of what that wasn’t. People dying everywhere and people deprived of a life, and here I am, typing on an iPhone, which during my time costed about $800, and there people are, dying. It really breaks my heart and I find it extremely depressing and that I’ve disappointed myself do much more than I thought I did. I liked how Leroy was Christian-based too. We are God’s best creations. He only permits the best to enter the world.

What am I doing with my life? How am I spending my life? Do I even deserve a life like this? All these questions ran around my mind. I finally came to a decision to sort my life out and focus on what I really wanted to do and buck up. I will commit to putting in my 100% in studying now.

Today, we focused so much on our parents. Leroy shared many stories that proved how great was our parent’s love for us. Sacrifices, that’s all they gave.

Papi, Mommy, I may not be your best daughter, but you guys are my hero. Both of you never fail to encourage me and reminded me to press on. It is those words that pushed me through tough times and overcome my fears and failures. Thank you for bringing me up in this Christian family, where you always sow seeds into my life and remind me of a greater calling. Thinking back at all the hard times you all had to bring me up and settle with my defiance and sacrifices, there will be no parents I would rather have. You two are my greatest inspirations and words can’t express how much I love you all. Thank you, Papi and Mommy!

This camp has taught me life values and it is truly inspirational and motivational. Pressing on to a higher call! Definitely, thank God for the strength He granted me with and the openness of mind. I WILL succeed!

So, I’m here at Ai Tong School’s hall waiting for my turn to go up, and shake the Minister’s hand and get my cheque. This is terribly boring and neck-breaking. I’ve been here since 8am! It’s been almost 3 hours!!! There goes my morning sleep huh. But anyways, pretty exited to get my money. Been so broke I could die like beggars.

Oh, it’s New Year’s Eve. Gonna head over to Marina Bay Sands with my family and relatives later for countdown. Guessing that I might go over to cell group countdown too. Well, we’ll see.

Yes, I’ve got nothing to write about. ALL I KNOW IS THE HALL IS TERRIBLY WARM. Okay bye!

Friday, I headed over to Esplanade to support Rit and his gig, “Alvin and the Jazzmunks”. It was a total worth of my 45 minutes! Really the best jazz music!
In the middle of the performance, my phone decided to vibrate the hell out of it, and I read of people sending me congratulations texts and whatsapping me a photo of me on Harvest Highlights. Hahahah, truly a great surprise. Thank you, Leila, Sarah and Jiayu!!!

Saturday, the same thing happened. All the congratulations and “proud of you” texts. It really touches me how caring some people are! :’) thanks friends!

Sunday, here we go again. Hahaha, woke up late for church but I rushed out and cabbed with my mom. Then I realised that I’ve forgotten to bring my wallet out, dang. But I really did remember to put it in my bag. So I just decided to get home and check it out at the end of the day. Christmas service was good! The drama was so cute and impactful. It doesn’t really matter where you’re from, just be who you are and that’s what’s the most important. Finally caught Harvest Highlights live in service :b it was kinda embarrassing because my photo was so screwed. But it was a really good feeling having people saying “well done” and “congratulations” to me! And, two of the guys who has made the most contributions to my 7 points were there too! Thank you, Jon and Jana! Couldn’t have done it without you two, though both of you keep bullying me!!! But I’m eternally grateful for you two, best tutors ever!!!

Passed out presents to all my friends. Hopefully they’ll like my cupcakes! :b after service, it was just fellowshipping, taking photos etc. Jon and Jana were making fun of me again, with remarks like “Nicole, your face on the screen, very cute ah!” by Jana and Jon constantly going “eh top student!” hahaha, gosh, I really miss having tuitions with my two beloved tutors! Went over to Millennia Walk for lunch with the cell group. Bumped into Ernah, Queenie and Yongheng. Talked to them for awhile while they tried convincing me to treat them to a buffet since I managed to top, hahaha. Miss my buddies! Nothing beats spending Christmas with friends though! I love my friends Stomach wasn’t feeling exactly well, headed home straightaway and rested. It’s no better now either, sigh. Time to see a doctor! Alright, sleepy!

Adios amigos.

Definitely a great big thank you to Jon and Jana for this!!!

So, I collected my results yesterday and it was quite a nerve-wrecking experience. However, being sat down in the theatrette, listening to my principal and her speech, I slowly drifted off thinking about how much time and effort I’ve put into preparing for N levels. Until the words drilled into my ears. “I’d like to congratulate our top student, Tan Yi Zhen Nicole. Where is she? Is she here? Nicole has scored 7 points with a 2 for English and 1 for Mathematics.” I didn’t know to be happy or sad. After all those late nights, time strains, battling with studies, I was so close to a perfect 6, but I didn’t made it. Nonetheless, I chose to be happy. To know that (I think) I have done my best and scored 7.

Firstly, all glory and honour to God Almighty! I feel extremely blessed to score a 7 despite my constant absence from school due to health issues, and also fighting against time while being committed to Band, which happens thrice a week and my weekends are just reserved for Cell Group, Service and definitely, God. During this busy year, I still had to serve as a keyboardist for zone events. I prayed to God that He’ll multiply my time and honour me as I honoured Him. Truly, by the grace of God, all went well. When you put God first in your life, all things shall be added unto you. Words can’t express my gratitude towards God and His lovingkindness and grace.

Definitely, without everyone in my life, I wouldn’t have made it either.

My classmates, the most amazing bunch of girls. We managed to conquer N levels together. We probably spent most of our afternoons mugging and blasting all the doubts at each other to clarify them. We panicked outside the examination hall and when it’s over, we’ll discuss our answers like as though we were in a busy market. Even though I got demoted from 4/7 to 4/9, I actually feel thankful for that. Because 4/9 is where true friendships exist and where happy memories are created. Thank you classmates.

My teachers, what would I have done without them? They gave their all in teaching and panicked together with us. They were the ones who walked with us through the tough topics and made a point to make every lesson productive. Without my teacher’a guidance, I wouldn’t be able to learn so much. Such a noble job it is.

And of course, I’d like to thank two of the most amazing tutors, Jon and Jana. Without you two, I would probably not have the skills, knowledge and motivation to do well. Thanks for encouraging me always and making every tuition productive yet fun with all the random small conversations and being so flexible with amendments of tuition dates and times. Definitely, thanks for traveling all the way and having to bear the annoying 410W rides. Although both of you are extremely mean to me, but I have to say that you two are great inspirations to me!

Thank you to my cell group and leizone and everyone else who’s been keeping us in prayers. And also my family, for making home such a productive studying environment.

THANK YOU, ALL MY FRIENDS, TEACHERS, FAMILY! Lastly, thank You, Lord! Indeed Your grace is more than sufficient.

Oh, and thank you, Sarah Lee for coming down all the way to accompany us!

Adios amigos

Had Leilove yesterday. It was really fabulous. From games, to praise and worship, testimonies, the word and end, one word, PERFECT. Was really impacted when Leila shared about attitude. Our attitude holds great importance to our lives! Thankful for Verena, Weide and Engloong! Never made such good music for quite awhile! No words can express how much I love Lei Zone.

Candlelight service was PHENOMENAL. Everything was so pretty and touching. It’s like the warm and fuzzy feeling of a family. Thank God for N467!

I AM WORRIED SICK. N level 2011 results are being released tomorrow at 2pm. God, I really really pray that I’ll meet my own expectations and do really well! Trusting and believing that You will give me hope and a great future. Hoping for really good news and really good results. I’ve done my very best, God, now it’s Your turn. Confessing, confessing, confessing.

Adios amigos.

Ever felt like you did everything you could, but it wasn’t enough?

Ever felt like no one even bother to appreciate your doings?

Ever felt like you’re never good enough?

Ever felt like you’re at a cross-junction and you don’t know where to head?

Ever felt like you don’t know who to trust?

Ever felt betrayed and forsaken?

Because I had.

Day 5 morning, got a little hungover from all the drinking in the bar at midnight with Aki, Billy and Cel. Headed out with Aki and Billy again and we had ALOT of good food! Went to shop around in Mongkok, Prince Edward and Central. Sadly, everything’s kinda winter-ish and tourist-ish, so we didn’t really got alot. We went to those bigger and more expensive brands to get stuffs since they’re cheaper there! Then we met Tim and headed over to Aki’s parents restaurant. Gosh, it was so goooood! Free (so embarrassed) 9-course dinner! It was definitely satisfactory. Then we headed somewhere for really good desserts. After which, that was our last day with them, so we bid farewell. Went back to the hotel and rested.

Day 7, we just walked around and yeah, kinda boring. We were supposed to go to Ocean Park, but I was so immobile that we decided not to. We went to Tsuen Wan, to Citygate outlets. Everything is so cheap there! Like expensive standard of cheap. So we don’t really got anything though. Should have gotten my Coach wallet, but oh well! Met my mom at Mongkok to walk around and we ended up skipping dinner. So tired that we headed back to the hotel to sleep.

Day 8, woke up and packed everything. My sister and mother disappeared and only came back at 10.50 when my flight was at 12.25 and latest check-in was 11.40. We had yet to pack and checkout of the hotel. So by the time we left the hotel was 11.07 and we reached the airport at 11.43. 11freaking43, so therefore we missed our flight. Thank God we could catch the next one. So we headed for some stomach-explosive dimsum first. Time for the second flight, and we almost missed it again. Ran to the boarding gate like a leopard! Thank God we managed to catch it!

SINGAPORE IS SO HOT.

Adios amigos.

Typing this while on the train, heading to Jordan to eat and shop! Well, today’s pretty much nothing. Left Shenzhen for Hongkong, by the time we reached here was about 3-ish. So we headed out for some food.

With my sis, ahkee and billy now to shop, eat and CLUB. Hahahha. Hongkong club?! Okay see you guys soon!